Shake a Chicken, Indeed
by SailorSilvanesti
Summary: Has Rodney gone too far? OR has Carson finally gone insane...?  Recovering after an injury, Rodney awakens to find himself in a place and position he never thought he'd see... Nonsense!Fic No/Slash


**Disclaimer: I do not own Stargate: Atlantis in any way or it's characters...**

**Short, Ridiculous ficlet I thought of about five minutes ago...let me know what you think, I'm open to suggestions about changing it...**

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><p><strong>Shake a Chicken, Indeed…<strong>

**~)0(~**

Slowly, the world coming into focus as though from great depths, the murky haze that was his mind rationalised the pain in his skull, and the firmness of the bed beneath him… He gasped, cracked lips parting in a soft sound that sounded no louder than if he had exhaled; a straw was placed directly within his mouth and sweet, _sweet water_ trickled down a dry throat slowly.

Had the World always been so dark…or was it his imaginings…? The musings paused for a moment as a familiar voice offered, "Aye Rodney, stay still a moment…I've dimmed the lights so your eyes don' suffer. Was a nasty concussion you got there, next time, let Teyla, John and Ronan take on the giant, three-headed spiny beetle-creature…it hits a bit too hard for fair play, and especially for you!"

An indignant cough rose to the top of his throat, "I…what did you think I was trying to do…dance with it?" the Scientist rasped and regretted his action; again, the water was offered, and removed before any true quantity could be drunk. "No, ye can't have too much all at once Rodney! Make ye ill, it will!"

"C-Carson…what's on my leg?" inquired the Head of Science, as something cold, wet and slimy made itself known upon his strangely unclad thigh…whatever it was moved and Rodney's over-active mind began to panic; Doctor Beckett, on the other hand, merely soothed with, "Relax, Rodney! It's just the wee leech doin' it's work…you leave it be and you'll be right as rain in no time!"

Before any protestation could be made, more cold slimy, wet things joined the first…he stifled the urge to scream and trembled violently, "C-Carson…? Ar- Are you out of- of your mind?" he demanded of the yet-to-be-visualised physician, loitering in the shadows…just out of swiping reach…maybe if he used the IV Pole…?

"Here, I'll have none of that now!" commanded the 'Strict Doctor's voice Carson employed upon occasion, a hand slapping away his own questing one as it reached for the comforting cold, steel solidarity of the Medical Support. Rodney's heart began to race, "Wh-Where are you, Carson? Show yourself! This isn't funny anymore…and…_leeches? Really?_" he yelled to the unknown about him…

"Oh, but Rodney…wasn't it you who was always cracking wise about my practices? I took your advice and did a little, _Voodoo Witch Doctoring_ of my own!" With that, and a significantly dramatic flair of certain lights in the Infirmary…a horrendous visage melded into his sight with all the sudden, heart-stopping terror of a lightning strike!

Massive in proportion, the giant carved mask near filled all he could see, fierce whirls of colour dancing before his eyes though stationary; and pale Scottish arms appeared to be lathered with the same paint, swirls and etches…a grass skirt swished loudly in the silence which only echoed the terrified pounding of his heart…

His eyes were drawn to the large stick of carvings held within the suddenly insane physician's left hand, it was waved as if a sceptre, gleaming polished skull of unidentifiable ilk decorating the top, as with feathers and bindings, rattles and beads…

The world swirled back into obscurity as the fear inspired by the sudden vision made him pass back into blackness…

~)0(~

The lights flickered on, Carson raised the mask and swiftly glanced to the frantic Heart Monitor in concern, but turned away from the slowing beeps with a broad grin across his Highland features… "Aye, well that seems to have done the trick, nicely…" he commented, speaking to one standing in shadows…

Keller came forwards, "Was…Was that really necessary?" she asked, Carson turned and clapped her on the back, "Oh, aye Lass, he's been on about me 'practicing Voodoo Medicine' for far too long…in Scotland, we like to think of this as…divine retribution, lord knows he's needed a comeuppance for many a long time now!

The final straw was when I patched the smart-ass fool up after the mining incident on PR5-H67…try as I may to get him to lie down and just relax while I employed various non-surgical techniques to loosen the muscle about the protruding rock fragment…a certain someone posed that I should simply, "Shake a Chicken and be done with it!"…

Nice work you did, too, Lass! Proud of ye, might be a surprise box of coffee from my hidden stash in your Quarters afore nightfall, shall we see?" he smiled; Dr Keller placed down the dripping forceps and the jar of small, fluffy white items bobbing in liquid like clouds in the sky… She beamed, "You know, I really could use a coffee…"

As they left, Jennifer hazarded a glance at the unconscious man on the bed and sighed; he would not be one to oppose when he awoke to find the tormenting 'leeches' of his realistic nightmares were indeed, wet cotton balls draped decoratively across his selectively covered thighs…

Her lips quirked into a smile, seeing the definitive proof of why one should never piss off the lead physician…he smiled down on her as if he read her thoughts…

One last glance, and then on towards coffee as the thought lingered…

"_Shake a Chicken, indeed_…"

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><p><strong>Thanks for reading, Constructive Criticism is always welcome...Please Review.<strong>

**Was there any way it could have been better? Please let me know...**

**Thanks again.**


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